Jacob

Dear Child,

Just over four years ago, on Aug 13th, your younger brother was born.  And it was also the day one of your best friends lost their life in a car accident. 

Losing Grandma had solidified my belief that there was nothing harder to bear in life than your own grief.  But watching your child grieve, as it turns out, is equally hard.  I can deal with my own pain.  I know that by relying on my faith, I can get through anything.  But watching your child struggle as they try to come to terms with the death of someone incredibly close to them, someone taken from this world long before we would have believed it would be their time…well, that was a new kind of pain.

Keenan was born at 1:30am and you came to meet your new brother in the afternoon that day.  You left the room for a few minutes to take a phone call and never told me what it was about when you came back.  But you had just been delivered the news that Jacob had died.

You didn’t want to tell me because you didn’t want to diminish my happiness on the day your little brother was born.  That was an incredibly selfless thing to do, although when I found out later that afternoon, I’d wished you were still there so I could comfort you.  Seventeen year olds aren’t supposed to die and seventeen year old best friends aren’t meant to grieve.

I’d known Jacob since you were both in elementary school and in later years I was fortunate to get to know him even better when he attended my karate classes.  Jacob didn’t have the most ideal home life, but his grandma made sure he got to karate class because she said it did so much for him.  He worked hard and was eager to earn our praise.  He came to every class with a huge smile and I always looked forward to seeing him.  He had a good heart.  I know you love being with ‘good people’ and Jacob was certainly one of those.   

My tears fell that day for the boy who was only in our lives for a short time and for you and all your friends who now had to figure out how to move on after an unexpected death shakes your core.

The class and dignity that you and your friends exhibited during the days following the news still warm my heart.  You all organized a “ride” where everyone would meet up where the accident happened and drive to the cemetery where Jacob was buried.  This ride was such a fitting way to pay respect since you were all obsessed with your cars.   After that, you all collected money so a headstone could be purchased because Jacob’s family couldn’t afford one.  And for the next three years, you all met up for that ride again so you could share memories and stories of the boy you all grew up with, the boy with the easy smile who will remain seventeen years old in our hearts forever.

Jacob will never be forgotten. 

Love Mom

xoxo